I am getting married in a few weeks, and my fiancé just told me he wants a prenuptial agreement. I’m shocked! We discussed this issue twice last year and decided we didn’t need one. I understand that prenups are prudent for many couples, but we agreed that we think our marriage is forever, and we trust each other. He makes twice as much money as I do. He doesn’t own real estate, but he has more savings. I told him that if we divorced, I wouldn’t want anything except child support if we have kids. Still, he wants a prenup. I am willing to sign the agreement, but he wants me to pay half the legal bill, too. I don’t want to spend $600 on an unnecessary agreement. Advice?

FIANCÉE

I’m sorry your fiancé sprang this on you so late. I will come back to prenuptial agreements, but first, let me suggest a gentle take on your fiancé’s behavior: My husband and I don’t quarrel often, but when we do, it usually boils down to the same two or three issues. You might think we would have exhausted them after decades, but nope! Most of us bring specific insecurities to our relationships, and the healthiest couples I know deal with each other’s triggers patiently. You will probably have many discussions about money or security (or whatever this prenup represents to your fiancé).

Now, I don’t see prenuptial agreements as harbingers of doom. I don’t think my house is going to flood, but I still have flood insurance. We can’t know the future! If your fiancé has substantial premarital savings, he should keep them in a divorce — just as you should keep your premarital assets. But I can also imagine that you might need more than just child support, as you claim, especially if you make career choices that prioritize family. Why defer these decisions to the midst of potentially heated divorce proceedings?

Do not sign an agreement without having it reviewed independently on your behalf. Consult your own lawyer: You need protection, too. As for legal fees, your fiancé should pay the bill of the lawyer who prepared the agreement for him, and you should pay the lawyer who reviews it for you — which should probably cost less. That seems fair to me.

Credit…Miguel Porlan

Graciously Accepting Kindness: A Gift in Itself

I am 29 and have lived with my grandfather for the last year as I pursued a master’s degree. (I couldn’t have done it without him!) We agreed that I would not pay rent but that I would pay my share of utilities. Now he doesn’t want me to pay for utilities, either. He says he doesn’t want me to be burdened financially. Should I guess the amount and leave a check? I don’t want to be a freeloader.