Why Some People Don’t Talk About Money With Their Partner

People who are stressed about their finances are often wary of talking about money with their romantic partners, even though it may be beneficial to their relationship, new research finds.

People worried about bills, feeling overwhelmed about overspending or concerned about money management may expect a “money talk” to lead to an argument, so they avoid bringing up the topic, according to a report from researchers at Cornell University and Yale University, published this month in The Journal of Consumer Psychology. Yet prior research has found that communicating about money helps couples spend more responsibly and better manage their debt.

“They anticipate conflict, so they’re choosing not to have these conversations at all,” said Emily Garbinsky, associate professor of marketing and management communication at Cornell’s business school and one of the study’s authors.

Why is it so difficult for some people to talk about money with their partners in the first place?

Aja Evans, a financial therapist in New York, said people may feel ashamed that they are having money troubles. They may worry that talking about such things with their partner will hurt their relationship. (Financial therapists aim to help clients understand how their emotions and beliefs about money can affect their financial behavior.)

“It’s a defense mechanism,” she said. “But with financial issues, the more you avoid it, the worse it gets.”

Megan R. Ford, a faculty member and financial therapist at the University of Georgia, said people from families that struggled financially or that didn’t encourage talking about money might lack good models for how to have productive conversations about finances.